


In Darkness and In Light

by SaraJaye



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Adam (Voltron) Lives, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blindness, Getting Back Together, Guilt, Hospitals, M/M, Self-Blame, past breakup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 05:56:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19312015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaraJaye/pseuds/SaraJaye
Summary: Adam survived Sendak's attack, but didn't come out of it unscathed.





	In Darkness and In Light

_He's alive. He's alive. He's still alive, he survived, he's alive._ The words run through his head like a pod at lightning speed as Shiro races towards Adam's hospital room. He'd _been_ alive, Iverson just didn't tell him until now and Shiro's first instinct was to accuse him of lying. _But it was touch and go for a while, we didn't think he would make it, he's finally awake,_ he'd said.

Shiro slows down as he approaches the room, catching his breath. It's funny, he spent all of his time in face trying not to think about Adam or how it ended between them, half of that time trying to paint him as a villain and failing miserably because it was _his_ fault for _letting_ him walk away. But now, as he's about to see him again, about to face the man he loved and lost...

_Oh._

He'd thought his guilt and regret were barely a blip on the radar, but they're rearing their ugly head again. Adam's in there, probably battered to hell, he almost _died. I chose the mission over him, I wasn't there, he could have died and I..._

Shiro closes his eyes, swallows, and forces himself to be calm. He needs to see Adam, even if he's not sure Adam will be glad to see him. Slowly, he opens the door and approaches the bed.

Adam's left shoulder is in a sling, his right leg is wrapped in bandages, and the visible fingers of his left hand show lingering burns. But it's the bandage around Adam's head that sends a jolt of terror through Shiro's heart. It covers his eyes completely, and there's a pair of sunglasses on the nightstand.

"Adam..."

Adam's body tenses under the covers, and he reaches out his un-bandaged arm nervously. Shiro feels clumsy, nervous fingers seeking his own and he grips them tightly, trying to ignore the sting of tears in the back of his eyes.

"Takashi..." Adam gasps, squeezing his fingers, trying to pull him closer. "Takashi, you..."

"I'm here, Adam."

"I'm blind, Takashi." Adam's voice is tight, but Shiro can sense the tremble in his words. " _Blind._ That bastard, his fireball blew up my _plane,_ I..." He lets go of Shiro's hand and grabs his covers angrily. "I woke up in total darkness, the doctors say I'll never _fly_ again, I'll be lucky if I can still _teach._ All my books, all my computer programs are _useless,_ I'll have to use a _cane,_ I can't-I-"

_It's my fault._ He can see Adam struggling not to break down in tears, and he hates himself. _I left him, all he ever did was love me and I pushed him away. I chose Kerberos, I disappeared for three years, now he's blind. It's my fault._

"I'm going to take care of you," he says. "I'll never go on another space exploration again, I promise. I won't even fly _on_ Earth, I'll give everything up to stay by your side and-"

" _No!_ " Adam's objection reverberates off the walls. "No, Takashi, this is what _I_ get for being an insensitive _jerk._ I pushed you away, I gave you an ultimatum, I didn't even check up on Keith or Katie and Colleen after you disappeared. I've been such an _ass_...this is karma, I couldn't see past my own nose and now I'll never see again." His voice shakes more and more with every word, and when he chokes on the last few Shiro's heart rends. He leans over the bed and hugs Adam as carefully as he can, stroking his scarred cheek.

How long had he been sitting on all that regret? _As long as me, probably. Even when I tried to put him out of my mind I couldn't kick him out of my heart._ Back when Sam was sending messages home to everyone's families Shiro hadn't even considered sending one to Adam, and now he wishes he had.

_Even the false version of me could never forget him._

"I still love you," he says, finally casting off the denial of any lingering feelings. Adam's good arm wraps around his back, pulling him onto the bed, and Shiro holds him as close as he can without jarring any broken bones. They took him off the IV as soon as he woke up, Shiro can see the bandaid where the needle must have been.

"Even if I'll never fly with you again?" Adam asks. "Even if I'm hobbling around with a cane, can't watch movies with you, or might have to stop teaching?"

"You loved me when I had to wear those cuffs," Shiro points out, "and you can always listen along to movies."

"But if I can't teach-"

"You will." Shiro strokes his face. "Maybe you can't _write_ problems on the board, but you can still explain things along with the instructional videos. And the cadets will make sure you can recognize their voices. They'll know better than to prank a blind teacher." Adam laughs weakly.

"I guess." He sighs. "But I don't want you to give up your career just to take care of me, especially now. The universe needs you, Takashi, and so does your team."

"I know, and I won't leave them in the lurch. But after this-"

"No." Adam shakes his head. "Takashi, I don't want to be a burden on you."

"It's the least I can do after I pushed you away."

" _Takashi._ " Adam's voice is stern. "Don't start that. We both messed up with our relationship, and I bet even if you'd stayed the Galra _still_ would've attacked, Sanda _still_ would've sent me out and I'd still be here." He clumsily reaches out with his good hand, and Shiro gently guides it to his cheek. "Don't throw away your own life for my sake. Please."

Shiro squeezes his hand, closing his eyes for a moment. Seeing Adam like this is painful, and part of him wonders if he _could_ have stopped him from getting hurt if he stayed. Adam was completely devoted to him in the old days, all he'd ever wanted was to spend the last years of Shiro's life together and Shiro had refused. _It's your fault,_ a small part of him insists.

"I want to help you."

"But not at the expense of your needs," Adam implores. "Please, Takashi."

"You took care of me every time I had an episode back then."

"And you hated feeling like an invalid, remember?" Adam chides, and Shiro rubs the back of his neck sheepishly.

"I did, yeah." He sighs. "Okay, when you put it like that..." He smiles a little, opening his eyes and looking at Adam. "I do want to take care of you, and I'll do whatever I can to help you adjust to this..and hey, maybe someday they'll be able to restore your sight, like they fixed Matt's vision before we left." Adam shakes his head.

"Matt was just nearsighted. I don't think they have a fix for total blindness yet." He manages a small smile. "So you really want to be there for all the tripping, stumbling, frustrated whining about how I can pour my own damn coffee and button my own jacket?"

"You were there when I whined about how I could feed myself after having an episode," Shiro teases. "And I still let you feed me. So I have a feeling you'll be letting me pour your coffee and help you get dressed once in a while." Adam laughs softly, clumsily reaching up to run a hand through Shiro's hair.

"So I guess this means we're together again?" Shiro smiles warmly, stroking his face.

"Till death do us part."


End file.
